Defying the state of things

I am tired of just accepting things as they are and suffer because of it, this weekend I found a photo in my home town that made my heart skip a beat and in that crushing feeling I realised something.

I can't be happy how things are, I know things will never be the same but things could be so much better now, not having someone that important in my life is crushing.

I know I screwed up, I wish I could go back in time and bitch slap myself before doing some things, but now I can only fight to prove I am not a boy anymore because living with fear until now brought me only misery, I will try to correct the wrongs I made and finally make up things to someone who didn't deserve what I have done to her.

Living with fear is not living, just surviving.

Patience

Some things must be done but there's always a right time for it.

I will just have to put up with not sleeping well and having no peace of mind and heart for a few more days.

I will not give up until I feel my life seems right and I can live with myself.

Recurring cicle

Why does my subconscious need to make things harder for me...

It isn't hard enough trying to forget her but when I think she is a little bit out of my mind my subconscious remembers to give me dreams of her, dreams of better times or of how things could be...

I only hope this stops, somedays I feel like my hearth is going to tear apart.