Dreams that cannot happen

Last night I had a scary dream about her, one where I saw her in lying down in the grass of a park and when she saw me just got up and walked away fast.

I tried to pursue her just to talk to her and when I got in front of her begging to talk she just said I have nothing to talk to you and got in a car and drove away leaving me in the middle of the road soul crushed.

I can't let happen in real life, I don't what I am gonna do if this happens but I must do something different. To stop fighting now would be one regret I couldn't shake off.

I will keep fighting

I will never give up on this fight.

This is a phrase to the person who thinks I am the weak person I used to be, the one who preferred to ignore the elephant in the room, this phrase is a promise!

Defying the state of things

I am tired of just accepting things as they are and suffer because of it, this weekend I found a photo in my home town that made my heart skip a beat and in that crushing feeling I realised something.

I can't be happy how things are, I know things will never be the same but things could be so much better now, not having someone that important in my life is crushing.

I know I screwed up, I wish I could go back in time and bitch slap myself before doing some things, but now I can only fight to prove I am not a boy anymore because living with fear until now brought me only misery, I will try to correct the wrongs I made and finally make up things to someone who didn't deserve what I have done to her.

Living with fear is not living, just surviving.

Patience

Some things must be done but there's always a right time for it.

I will just have to put up with not sleeping well and having no peace of mind and heart for a few more days.

I will not give up until I feel my life seems right and I can live with myself.