Dreams that cannot happen

Last night I had a scary dream about her, one where I saw her in lying down in the grass of a park and when she saw me just got up and walked away fast.

I tried to pursue her just to talk to her and when I got in front of her begging to talk she just said I have nothing to talk to you and got in a car and drove away leaving me in the middle of the road soul crushed.

I can't let happen in real life, I don't what I am gonna do if this happens but I must do something different. To stop fighting now would be one regret I couldn't shake off.

Defying the state of things

I am tired of just accepting things as they are and suffer because of it, this weekend I found a photo in my home town that made my heart skip a beat and in that crushing feeling I realised something.

I can't be happy how things are, I know things will never be the same but things could be so much better now, not having someone that important in my life is crushing.

I know I screwed up, I wish I could go back in time and bitch slap myself before doing some things, but now I can only fight to prove I am not a boy anymore because living with fear until now brought me only misery, I will try to correct the wrongs I made and finally make up things to someone who didn't deserve what I have done to her.

Living with fear is not living, just surviving.

Crossroad

I feel like I am stuck in a crossroad, not knowing the best way to improve myself to be the person I know I can be.

Better, stronger and someone I can be happy with.

I can see the paths given to me clearly, now it's up to me to decide the best path.

Whatever happens I won't give up on my morals because nothing is worth losing yourself.

For now I want to follow the warrior path that my dojo offers and follow those principles and morals that speak so much to me.

I just feel sooner or later fate will test me and I want to be up to the challenge whatever it may be.

I don't want to loose something valuable again just because I was weak.