Life

Funny how life can be so great and perfect just to send you in a pit of darkness and doubt after...

That felling you get that you have all things under control and know everything you need to know to live happy for a considerable amount of time just shatters when your reality crumbles at your feet and you feel helpless and powerless to do anything to stop it.

It feels like you just don't matter and that things happens because of pure chance and not because of something you did or said, in the bitter and tragic end of things you think and think once again: "What did I do wrong? Is it my fault that this happened to me? Its just the cruelty of someone else I though I could trust my life? Is something terrible wrong with me to the point that I am blind to it and can't figure it out?"

The problem is that sometimes you never know the cause that started a chain of events that lead to your current misery, I have found myself making scenarios and situations in my head for months trying to get my life to make sense again, and you feel so insecure that leaving the house doesn't seem worth it anymore...

You get an unease with people that trust and care about you, you don't feel comfortable anymore, you feel like if you get to close in terms of friendship or love that you will get hurt again, you starting doubting people intentions and loyalty and every relation in your mind starts to become another horrible and stressfull case for you to think about.

But over time I learned the hearth is a wonderfull thing, it can heal and in my case can forgive, its not how many times someone stabs you in the back, its about forgiving eventually and give that person a hug if you feel like it, and trust me if that person doesn't get nicer to you then she doesn't care about you or simply hates you, in that case just move on, your conscience remains clean and you can go forward without any worries.

I admit I forgive almost anyone that did me some horrible thing in the past, only those I am sure are worthless and don't deserve any measure of forgiveness I stay indifferent to them... they don't deserve me thinking about them as i am sure they don't think about me.

A good way to forgive someone is to put yourself in the shoes of the one who did something wrong to you, rethink the situation in their perspective and you will see things start to make some sense again, you still have some serious doubts but understanding the situation they were in makes you feel they are more human than you initially tough...

This world is full of people who hurt you with a very good reason, I choose to stand up again and forgive after some time, I don't want to hate anyone and I know there are those who will still hate me nonetheless but I feel my soul and hearth at peace when I feel I don't  have to despise or hate anyone, it makes everything seem simpler, my hearth resets to zero again and I start trusting all over again, and make emends so good things last longer and I can be happy once again with the people I love or care about, no one can make you more sad than yourself, sometimes you need to get hold of yourself and just move forward, scars may haunt your hearth but if you keep your mind open there is always some sunshine still left in your life to ease the pain, focus on the good things and you will see everything is not as bad as it seems.

That's my philosophy and belief in this life... I hope I and choosing the right path...