domingo, 6 de setembro de 2015

Dreams that cannot happen

Last night I had a scary dream about her, one where I saw her in lying down in the grass of a park and when she saw me just got up and walked away fast.

I tried to pursue her just to talk to her and when I got in front of her begging to talk she just said I have nothing to talk to you and got in a car and drove away leaving me in the middle of the road soul crushed.

I can't let happen in real life, I don't what I am gonna do if this happens but I must do something different. To stop fighting now would be one regret I couldn't shake off.

quinta-feira, 27 de agosto de 2015

I will keep fighting

I will never give up on this fight.

This is a phrase to the person who thinks I am the weak person I used to be, the one who preferred to ignore the elephant in the room, this phrase is a promise!

segunda-feira, 24 de agosto de 2015

Defying the state of things

I am tired of just accepting things as they are and suffer because of it, this weekend I found a photo in my home town that made my heart skip a beat and in that crushing feeling I realised something.

I can't be happy how things are, I know things will never be the same but things could be so much better now, not having someone that important in my life is crushing.

I know I screwed up, I wish I could go back in time and bitch slap myself before doing some things, but now I can only fight to prove I am not a boy anymore because living with fear until now brought me only misery, I will try to correct the wrongs I made and finally make up things to someone who didn't deserve what I have done to her.

Living with fear is not living, just surviving.

sexta-feira, 21 de agosto de 2015

Silver Lining

Another song I can't stop listening to:

Original version, still rocks:


Some things must be done but there's always a right time for it.

I will just have to put up with not sleeping well and having no peace of mind and heart for a few more days.

I will not give up until I feel my life seems right and I can live with myself.

domingo, 16 de agosto de 2015

All in

I never wanted this to get to this point, if someone told me my life would be has it's right now I wouldn't believe it.

The regrets and barriers never been so high, so high I can't see how I can get over, it's too long to go around, it's to deep to go under, so I only have two choices right now. Be the boy who I was until now and run away from that barrier or be the man I know I can be and smash trough it.

That's why I train every single day now, I feel my body reaching it's limits but I have to keep going, I need to discipline myself to finally become a man.

I need to prepare myself for that moment, that second chance, that might never arrive and if never arrives it's just fate telling me that actions have consequences and that I need to be stronger to never loose it all again.

I have always been weak and just OK with it but no more! I will risk my body mentally and physically just to have the smallest of chances of having a second chance at life, correct the bad things I done and perhaps understand the right path other than this dark one I am walking.

I know the odds are greatly against me of even having the chance to correct my past mistakes but not fighting for it and ignoring it never got me nothing, only a bubble to make myself feel better and feed this illusion that everything is alright.

It's all or nothing right now and I don't have anything left to loose.

sexta-feira, 14 de agosto de 2015


Can't stop listening to this music on repeat and thinking how things could be better, hope is the only thing left for me and the only thing that will keep me fighting for a better tomorrow. 

Nothing is worse than wanting to fight for something that matters but never get the chance to do so.